In a recent conversation with two friends, I was asked if I had a crush on anyone. I promptly answered “no”, but had to add honestly that I have not been completely pure in regard to my thoughts. They were both surprised that I thought being pure was more than a physical thing.
I would like to revisit some of the topics that were discussed in the aforesaid conversation in an effort to fill the need for young women to tell young girls that emotional purity is possible.
As this blog is geared more toward young Christian girls or women, the points I make will be coming from the assumption that readers are born again and are trying to find advice or opinions on crushes, boyfriends and dating.
First, I believe that girls should not consider a relationship without the intention of marriage. If marriage is not your intention then I would ask you to reconsider the motive behind the relationship. If you are honest with yourself, I believe you will find that such a relationship is purely self-centered (you like the attention, he makes you feel special, he brought you flowers. You, you, you…) and will hinder your walk with the Lord, because you are more likely to focus on what a certain person thinks instead of trying to be constantly in tune with Jesus.
Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7:34-35 that: “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.”
(There is an entire blog post in that scripture, and I’m not going to get into all that, suffice it to say that this scripture does not forbid you to marry, and does not say that God doesn’t bring two people together to serve Him in unity.)
So we see here that marriage – something that God holds dear as a type of Christ and the Church – can add distractions to your walk with the Lord. How much more will a relationship that is not a prelude of marriage?
Second, I believe you should save all romantic thoughts and feelings for your husband. Crushes distract you from your walk with the Lord the same way self-centered relationships do. It is not good to put an unnecessary priority on a certain person’s opinion, especially if you don’t intend to marry them. Someone will probably say, “That’s impossible! I can’t do that!” Well, don’t wake me up; ‘cause that’s the way I’m living!
Third, one thing my friends said is that sometimes they notice a particularly attractive person and think: “ he’s cute!” I don’t think there is anything wrong with noticing someone is attractive, but thinking “he’s cute” as in “I would like him to notice me”… probably not a good idea. Because of a natural attraction to men, girls so often let those feelings go haywire on them. Instead of controlling their feelings, they unconsciously go too far and do not consider that the other person could be married, have a future wife, or may not even be a Christian.
I’m a young woman, I’ve dealt with almost everything young women deal with. It is possible to control yourself and nip romantic feelings in the bud.
I would like you to consider this closing question carefully: What would you think if you knew that your future husband had a crush on a girl he knows?
I know that for my part, I hope mine doesn’t.
We all have those dreams that someday we will meet that young man who has never had a girlfriend and never had a crush. That emotionally pure young man who saved all his romantic feelings for you… Let us respect the hopes and dreams of young men desperately seeking emotionally pure young women.
Don’t let anyone (including yourself) tell you that your dreams are not possible.
In a future post, I may share more details on the importance of emotional purity and how to keep yourself pure.
I hope this inspires you! Comment to let me know what you think.